Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Runaway Single Girl

It happens every time.

Whenever I get into a relationship that I feel might be getting serious, my first instinct is to run. Fast.

I want to run to another state, or hide under the blankets for a year. I want to assume a new identity, maybe masquerade as a salsa dancer in Tijuana.

I want to date an entire football team. I want to pick up men – and some groceries – in the produce aisle of my local Trader Joe’s. I can’t imagine for one moment being tied down to anybody.

I know this is crazy. I understand how much sense this does not make.

After all, I am forever whining about the lack of real love in my life. I am hungry for a partner who genuinely cares. I want someone who calls me every day, if only to ask what I ate for dinner or talk about how funny Scrubs was.

I want this, like any normal girl. But why, when I feel it happening, do I want to run off to Tijuana with a gaggle of men?

I suppose it’s fairly obvious. Running is what people do when they’re scared.

Julia Roberts ran many times in Runaway Bride. People do it in real life all the time. They do it because facing your fears is the scariest thing in the whole world. Scarier, even, than facing jail time for, say, running out on your fiancé and telling everyone you were kidnapped.

I don’t think I’m ready to sit down and stare into the eyes of the man who has no intention of running anywhere. He’s been waiting for me to slow down long enough to tell me it’s okay to be afraid. That he’ll wait as long as it takes until I’m ready.

I wouldn’t have the heart to tell him it’s been 31 years so far, and I just bought a new pair of sneakers.

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